Eighteen in the Bay.

This blog contains the obscure thoughts, feelings derived from my defiled mind and damaged heart to express my life/days, thoughts and possibly who I am. Sorry if I don't make sense to you, but its best to get to know me first. There is a reason for everything.


Sometimes the people who smiles the most, laughs the most; bares the most pain. Those fake smiles and laughter cover up underlying grief, pain, and deep sadness. They hold untold stories and problems unable to surface, pent up inside only to generate more pain. 

Just because you’ve been in the same relationship for awhile, don’t expect things will be the same as time goes. Don’t expect that you know everything about your significant other because everyone changes. 

Reblogged from dylansaur


Because you say you want to talk tomorrow I won’t bother you. But I need to vent, I want you to see this. I waited for hours and put my plans aside, hoping you’d tell me soon. As time went on I just thought of giving up. I ask myself why do I put myself through this. I’m the only one who tries or shows any ounce of effort. I know that I truely care and want to keep what is left of us alive. I’m really tired of trying though and getting let down. I’m tired of getting hurt and put through pain because you decide to be selfish. I know that you care and I guess you still hold some feelings for me but it doesn’t matter much if you don’t put effort into showing or making me feel that you do. You say you want to stay together but why do your words not sound convincing? The reason why I still put up with this and try to just cling on is because this relationship matters to me. Because you are so important. I know how I feel and what I want, I know I won’t just let this all fade away. I don’t want you to read this and start thinking how it’s all your fault or that maybe we really should break up. I just want you to know what I wanted to say and see how much I care, the things I’m feeling. I know you’re probably still unsure about how you feel about us and maybe about me too, despite what you tell me. I know who you are and your habits. Just if anything, don’t lead me on to thinking there’s still hope for us to last and be happy. Like I want you to always know that I’m here going through all of this because I love you still and want to stay with you. I put myself through this hurt because I care about you so much. Realize this please and for once, don’t let me down. A reason why relationships don’t last is because somewhere along the lines, one or both people just stop trying. Please don’t be that person. Don’t give up on me and on us. I don’t want this to be like that Strangers Again video. I get scared now to say some things to you like about how I feel because it might make you think we should break up or that I’m just not good enough for you (probably true now?). I get scared that it will change your mind again on being together. I really can’t handle not being with you because I’ve always had you here. I tried to think about what I would do and how I’d spend my days after if we did break up and I really couldn’t think of anything besides just shutting myself off from everything to sulk and dwell on my sadness. Even as I’m typing this up now, I’m wishing that you would call me back like you’ve done before. You’d tell me you can’t sleep and want to stay on the phone. I’m happy when you do this from time to time because it makes me feel like you still need me for something. But I get sad when you hang up shortly after cause I start to think I’m just not useful. I can’t help you with anything anymore and you don’t really need me for much either.. I never intended to write a long post but I just started talking about stupid stuff I guess. Whatever though. I hope you read this but not go thinking and assuming things.. I don’t want things to change for the worse more than it already has.

Fuck human emotions.

I need to learn how to be more apathetic. (´・_・`)


Waiting for over an hour for you to possibly call or to even text me. Couldn’t even go back to sleep because I keep checking my phone. Fuck, I hate being forgotten. What a great way to start off my day.. I hate you.

I don’t give a fuck.

This phrase might sound like something to get mad over and forget, but you’ll realize just how much it sucks to not have the person that’s important to you care anymore. 

I love how people can’t take jokes. Learn how to get a sense of humor. 

People who randomly talks to you hella loud while you’re on the phone.

Mother fucker, I will punch you in the face. Obviously you see me on the phone talking to someone, so learn some manners and wait until I’m done. 

Promises are made to be broken.